To: Brad Blackstone
From: Chua Xian Jing
Subject: Brief self-introduction
Dear Brad,
I am writing this email to briefly introduce myself. I graduated with a diploma in Green Building & Sustainability from Temasek Polytechnic. Upon graduation, I started researching about the courses in Singapore which I can take up to further my studies. And eventually I found the course; Sustainable Infrastructure Engineering (building services) which is similar to what I have studied in my polytechnic. I have decided to pursue a degree in the building sector as every building needs to be maintained and sustained to prolong its life span.
My interest includes travelling, swimming and cycling. I like to travel because it will broaden my horizon and I would learn to see things from different point of views. When I swim or cycle, it helps me to feel relax and refresh. It is also a good break and a form of exercise for me after a hectic week.
My goal for studying in this programme is to attain good grades that will help me get my master’s degree and equip me with the necessary knowledge and skills. With that, I feel that I will be more competent in this area and take on the job in the industry. My aim for the future is to be a project engineer for projects which could be development, construction or addition & alteration work as i will have a sense of achievement once the project is completed.
Thank you for your time to read this email and I hope to learn as much as possible to further improve my communication and writing skills.
Yours Sincerely,
Chua Xian Jing
Commented on Edmund and Camille’s blog.
EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION 
Hi Xian Jing,
Thank you for writing a clear and concise introductory letter. I also love to travel, it was an eye opening experience when i was in Thailand last year. Let’s work hard together to achieve our goals!
In my humble opinion, i would like to point out some improvements for your introductory letter.
1.) ” prolong its lifespan.” >>>>> ( prolong it’s life span) it appears that life span is two word rather than one
2.) “When I swim or cycle, it is a time that my mind will feel relax and refresh. ” >>>>>> ( When i swim or cycle, it helps me to be relax and refresh)
3.) “It is also a good break and a form of exercise for me after the hectic week.” >>>>> ( …..after an hectic week)
4.) “to attain good grades that will help me get my Masters” >>>> ( …..that will help me get my master’s degree)
Despite the minor problems, i enjoy reading your introductory letter.
Cheers,
Edmund
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Hi Xian Jing,
Thank you for such a clear and concise introductory letter. I also love to travel, went to Thailand last year and it was an eye opening experience. Being an engineer had been my aim also, let us work hard together to achieve our dreams!
In my humble opinion, I would like to point out some improvements for your introductory letter.
1.) “every building needs to be maintained and sustained to prolong its lifespan.” >>>>> (……. It’s life span) life span should be written as two word.
2.) “When I swim or cycle, it is a time that my mind will feel relax and refresh.” >>>>>> (When I swim or cycle, it helps me to feel relax and refresh) rather then it is a time that my mind…
3.) “a form of exercise for me after the hectic week.”>>>>>> (a form of exercise for me after a hectic week)
4.) “attain good grades that will help me get my Masters” >>>>>>> (attain good grades that will help me get my master’s degree)
Despite the minor problems, it was a great effort.
Cheers,
Edmund
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Hi Edmund,
Thank you for your time to read my email and I appreciate the comments you have given me. I will take note and make changes to it. And yes, lets work hard together to achieve our goals and we might be colleagues next time.
Cheers,
Xian Jing
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Thank you, Xian Jing, for this clear and quite comprehensive introduction. It seems to paint a fairly concise but focused portrait of who you are and why you are here. I appreciate your reflective reasoning. There are, as Edmund has pitted out, a few language issues. To add to those he mentions, I would suggest you look at these:
1) because Singapore have buildings >>> (subject verb disagreement)
2) to be a Project Engineer >>> (capitalization)
3) construction or Addition & Alteration work
4) Upon graduation, I went on to research about the courses in Singapore that I could take up to further my studies in and eventually found this course; Sustainable Infrastructure Engineering (building services) which is fairly similar to what I have studied in my polytechnic. >>> (sentence structure)
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Hi Brad,
Thank you for your valuable feedback. I will take note and make improvements.
Cheers,
Xian Jing
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Dear Xian Jing,
I enjoyed reading your blog post and knowing more about your experiences and your interests. Perhaps, one day, we could go on a trip together as I enjoy travelling too! The post was complete, clear and concise!
In my opinion, there are a few things that could have some alteration.
They are:
“And eventually I found the course; Sustainable Infrastructure Engineering (building services) which is similar to what I have studied in my polytechnic.” >> “Eventually, I found the course, Sustainable infrastructure Engineering (Building Services), which is similar to what I have studied.” I would avoid starting sentence with ‘And’
it helps me to feel relax and refresh >> “it helps me to feel relaxed and refreshed”
My aim for the future is to be a project engineer for projects which could be development, construction or addition & alteration work as i will have a sense of achievement once the project is completed. >> “My aim for the future is to be a Project Engineer. The projects include, development, construction, addition and alteration work. This is because …. ”
Overall, I could see the effort and thoughts put into the post! I look forward to reading your new posts!
Regards,
Jasper
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